Scared To Death!!?

I just saw a picture of what a real uterus and ovaries looks like,with the connecting cervix that some woman had removed,and I just realized omg I'm getting rid of My womb and My eggs!!! It just frightens Me to death,because some of those eggs could have been My children...I feel this overwhelming feeling of weirdness ,loss and sadness,accompanied by some uncertainty. I know I'm going through with the surgery,but it just scares Me,fear of the unknown.I've never NOT had a womb or ovaries before...Scared...

Ewww!!!

Apparently My annoying teenaged daughter thinks that Mom's woman problems are "gross". I can't even talk to MY own Mom about My issues and she had the same problems,and we were discussing it,and My 15 year old daughter just can't seem to shut her mouth when I was having a private conversation about heavy bleeding. Then when discussing the "vibrating uterus" issue I have going right now that is apparently "unexplainable" by the medical community,I was talking to My hubby about it,that they call it "phantom flutters" My big mouthed ahole teenaged daughter "OMG I'm SO sick of hearing it,just stop talking!" Who the hell ever said I was talking to her?! Her Dad told her to shut her mouth,she kept going on...Sorry Mommie's female problems bother YOU princess! It was MY womb that gave you life,learn to be more sensative you little shit!!!!

Everything I Feel In Pictures

Hopefully these will load,this is how I feel right now...

Everything I Feel In Pictures

Hopefully these will load,this is how I feel right now...

Biopsy Results

My endometrial biopsy turned out non cancerous thank God!!! However I have almost 3 times the normal amount of uterine lining which makes My periods a living nightmare. Everythings a go for May 1st.

Cursed! Last Period Horror...

Well I did what My hubby told Me not to do. I taunted My last period and said "Oh this is My last period yay!" And of course it's hitting Me with avengence,and then some!!! I can't even get up without the blood pouring out of Me,and the tons of clots accompanying it...I was supposed to work today but can't now that I'm losing as much blood as I've been,and in such thick quantities. I know I've made the right choice by getting rid of My lady parts! I'm miserable dealing with this,it leaves Me laid up and unable to do much of anything... This sucks! I can't even cough,or sneeze,without blood spattering EVERYWHERE!!! :-(
My husband says that I'm like those elevator doors in "The Shining",where all the blood splashes out all at once. Except honestly,I think it's even worse than that!!! It's SO bad that now I have to wear 2 overnight pads,2 depends diapers AND a puppy pad ALL at ONE time. And I'm lucky if that even covers it! I just want this over with...I've had MORE than enough!!!! :-(

MAY 1st Oh Happy Day!

Counting down the days till surgery,looking forward to feeling better! I'm so sick and tired,of being sick and tired!!! I have like no energy,and worn out from My period already,and having blinding headaches. All I wanna do is effing sleep or lay down. I seriously hope this surgery will help with My energy level!

LAST PERIOD!!! :-)

Today,yes this day of April 16th 2015,is the first day of My LAST and FINAL period,for the rest of My life!!! To My absolute relief,I feel like I am just beginning to be able to breathe. I am actually going to enjoy this last period,as silly and strange as that seems,I'm relieved as I waited to get My last cycle! As this is My last period,I see My Daughter suffering the monthly wrath that is PMS,of course I feel terrible for her,however I sure won't miss being in her shoes!!! Having to worry about buying and stocking up on feminine hygene products,Me always having to double up on them,and spending 15-20 a month because of My ridiculously heavy flow. No more for Me,this is it! WOOOHOOO!!!

HYSTER COUNT DOWN!

http://www.webcountdown.net/?a=zihvSB9

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BEWARE DR.DOUCHEBAG!!!

When I was 15 years old, I had to go in to see an OB/GYN for the first time due to problem periods. I was sick all of the time due to over-bleeding and terrible non stop cramping. And so I went and saw this guy, let's call him Dr.Douchebag because that's indeed what he was. So here I am all of 15 years old and I heard about him through an Aunt who went to see his partner another OB/GYN that had retired unfortunately so I was stuck with Dr.Douche. Of course I didn't know this at the time. I entrusted My health and issues to him. I had My first very uncomfortable pap-test, and OUCH it hurt! Then he slapped some birthcontrol pills My way and I had taken them for the problem periods. I soon found out that the BC pills added to My already horrible PMS, and that extra hormones for Me were NOT a good idea in any shape of form due to the effects it had on Me. But Dr.Douche promised Me it was the best thing for My heavy bleeding and cramps, so he put Me on at least 4 more BC pills within the next few years, and low and behold, I had even worse PMS! But he wouldn't listen. So I just quit taking the BC pills on My own accord, and he perscribed anti-inflamatory medication for the pain. I took they helped for about 6 months and then they stopped being effective for Me. At the age of 18 I had a laparoscopy and he had said that he suspected that I had endometriosis. So he did the laparoscopy it was an outpatient surgery, and the results were that My uterus was "inflamed" that was all, no explanation, and he said "I don't know why, and I can't explain it". So he slapped "endometriosis" onto Me as a diagnosis and that was that. He said that if I got pregnant I would be lucky, because women with this decease are most times infertile and cannot care children. Fantastic! Just what I wanted to hear, and I had plans on being a Mom at some point in My life. I went untreated for My inflamed uterus diagnosis, and endometriosis. Then I got pregnant with My then boyfriend at 20 years old. I was floored that I was pregnant at all! The pregnancy went well, and Dr.Douche delivered My baby, and then talked Me into a BC pill that I could take and I could breastfeed while on it. So with his "expertease" I took it, and I went into full blown PPD, I was so shaky and such an anxiety mess I could barely see straight, the crying spells were hell and I felt terrible, I wanted to enjoy being a mom, but the moodswings were awful! I got off of the BC pill, had to stop breastfeeding My baby, and had to get back onto antidepressants to even Me out. NO MORE BC pills!!! I stopped going to see him after that, flash forward 15 years later, I needed further treatment for PMDD and the heavy bleeding which had gotten worse. My PC doc gave Me a card of another OB/GYN and so I went, low and behold it was Dr.Douchebag's office! He shared it with that other doc I was recommended to. The doc I was recommended to didn't have any room for new patients, so I was desperate I signed up with Dr.Douche. I consulted with him, and he didn't even remember who the hell I was, mind you I understand he delivered a lot of babies and knew a lot of different women, but I would at least hope he would have remembered Me somewhat! He didn't. So I had to go over My entire health history with him again and fill out new paperwork. I said I was having trouble with My periods and I had become a banshee from hell during that time of the month. He of course suggested BC pills. I said NO! I explained to him how they had effected Me before and that they made Me worse, and I said he had delivered My daughter and did My laparoscopy. He had absolutely NO recognition of Me what so ever! He told Me "You have endometriosis is what is sounds like to Me" and his advice "Get pregnant" that will help your uterus! My hubby and I had already plans on having another child, so it didn't matter if he had said that or not, but it gave Me all the more reason to get pregnant at the time. 6 months later I get pregnant, and then the stupid nurse at Dr.Douche's office said that my blood tested positive for downs syndrome, and that My baby had downs. I was a flipping mess! Both My husband and I cried for two weeks and worried non-stop, as I was sent to a special doc to check to see how the development of My baby was. We went and My baby was fine as it appeared on the ultrasound. That psycho bitch nurse from Dr.Douche's office had worried us sick for nothing, and her words were "You tested positive for Downs, you need to have that baby checked!" There was no emotion coming from her and when she heard Me crying on the other end of the phone, she offered no support at all. Come to find out, that I didn't even have to have that blood work at all that tested for downs, and she said after I had it done and found out our baby was ok, that I never had to take it in the first place, she had forced it on Me without questioning Me! I was so angry I could of ripped her head off! So every thing goes smoothly after that and I give birth to our second and final baby. The funny thing is, is that Dr.Douche was on vacation , and his partner had to deliver our baby. Which was actually fine with Me because I had a TOTALLY different experience then I had when baby #1 was born! I got more bonding time with baby #2 and everything went great! I had the baby naturally, but then after returning home from the hospital was fighting the PPD again...I was on a small amount of antidepressants while breastfeeding, and it wasn't enough, My hormones were all out of wack from giving birth and I had a complete hormonal nosedive. The euphoric hormones were no longer there from pregnancy, and I was a mess again. I had to return to Dr.Douche to give Me something for the PPD, but of course wouldn't you know it, he was still on vacation , and now his partner the doc that delivered My baby was now on vacation too! Nice...I had to go to a completely different OB/GYN 45 mins away from Me, to get treated for PPD, the doc that was covering for those docs while on vacation, was actually good, and helped Me through the tough time. When Dr.Douchebag came back from vacation, I had to make a follow up visit with him for My heavy periods as they had returned after the baby and My PMDD worsened. He said "Get pregnant again, and gave Me something called Danocrine" which was supposed to even out My hormones, but it was just as bad if not worse then taking the BC pills. I was NOT about to get pregnant again after all the BS I went through after having baby #2. I was outraged that he had suggested this, and disgusted. I had to see Dr.Douche one more time for a check up and follow up on My PPD, , he and his partner refused to see Me, saying I needed to see a psychiatrist!!! I couldn't believe this... I was in HIS care and he refused to see Me.... I am officially done with his bullshit and his office of emotionless old clown nurses! He didn't give a shit about Me, he just wanted to make more money off of My suffering and spitting out more kids! He mad so many jokes EVERY visit at MY expense and thought he was a comedian coming up with stupid heartless "jokes" and suggestions for My wellbeing, which was for his own personal benefit. He didn't take My recovery seriously at all, and all he said was "get pregnant again, and you have endometriosis". Flash forward months later, and I went into see the OB/GYN that did a different Aunt of Mine's hysterectomy, she highly recommended this OB/GYN doc. I went to see this lady GYN and as I told her about the experiences I had with Dr.Douchebag, she said "Yeah that doesn't sound right at all to Me, he should have done some testing!" So after ONE ultrasound with My new lady GYN doc, she found out that I had an abnormally thick uterine lining, which causes extra painful periods, excessive bleeding, and terrible cramps, and a cyst inside My right ovary, she did some blood work up to check My hormone levels which turned out to be unbalanced. That's right I have a hormone imbalance which she says causes My symptoms of PMDD, it explains My severe moodswings, excess weight, and lethargy I experience almost all month long! In addition to this, the cyst in My right ovary with the thick uterine lining, and hormone imbalance ALL make it difficult and a living hell for Me to ovulate, as it's much harder for My body to ovulate she said, and that's what causes so much of My PMDD and issues... OMG PRAISE THE LORD! She found ALL of this in ONE visit! She is the doc that will be performing My hysterectomy, and I couldn't be happier that I found her! DR.DOUCHE BAG F-YOU! People like Dr.Douchebag should NEVER EVER practice medicine if they don't take their patients seriously, as he does not! I sent him a letter telling him he needs to retire, and that his retirement is well overdue, and that he's always on vacation anyway, so why not? I expressed My anger over the years in his "care" and that his bedside manner was that compared to a extremely bad stand up comedian. I said that "If you want to make jokes, do it on YOUR own time, and don't make the women that entrust you with their health the brunt of your stupidity and terrible humor". I think that pretty much covers it, I hope you ladies out there NEVER have to deal with a Dr.Douchebag! BEWARE! And I wish you ALL good health! -The Hormonally Challenged Hero-

LOOK OUT FOR DR.DOUCHEBAG!!!

Dr.Appointment Pre-Op

So I went in today to My GYN and got the endometrial biopsy AKA the alien probe. And it wasn't that bad,there was a pinching and some cramping and after bleeding,but it was alright. While seeing My GYN doc,before I had the biopsy,she talked to Me to confirm My hysterectomy surgery for Friday May 1st @5:30am,and then she said "a hysterectomy with the possiblity of removal of one ovary" And I was like "Um no,I want BOTH ovaries out because of My PMDD issues" she strongly suggested that I keep the one left ovary,since My right ovary has cyts in it anyway. I was stubborn to comply with her,but after the argument that I would go into full blown surgical menopause which she said that the moodswings can be worse than with PMDD,and hotflashes,nightsweats,and the pain in the ass that hormone replacement is,and finding something to work for you is a crap shoot,I agreed to keeping My left ovary. I felt it was the right decision to make in My case,plus honestly even though I don't want anymore periods,I really don't wanna go into menopause at 36 years old,and worry about all the repercussions that go along with it. Plus I'm really not keen on hormone replacement,since every and all birth control and hormones has had terrible adverse affects on Me. My Mom also had problems with the patch and birthcontrol as well. So I've made the descion with My GYN doc that it would be best,and My one left over ovary will hopefully provide the hormones naturally to keep Me balanced for some years before complete menopause. At least that is My hope! We'll see how it goes,luuckily this is right,but she says if after a year I have trouble with it,then she can always remove it. That did give Me some peace of mind. :-) I need to figure out what to name My ovary that will remain?....

I think I'll call him Larry! ;)

Endometrial Biopsy FUN...

Today is "Endometrial Biopsy Day!" This is where a catheter is administered into the cervix and directly into the uterus to grab a sample off of the uterine wall. There is an instrument with "pinchers" that embed into your cervix,so gee that will be fun,oh and NO sedation whatsoever...YAY! I'm already sick thinking about it....This from a woman who had her babies naturally no drugs,but it's the little things that bother Me,the bigger things like childbirth and hysterectomy don't upset Me like laying awake having x-amount of instruments shoved into Me and probed,it's like an alien abduction going on down there while I'm awake...Um...NO! Give Me drugs,I hate this whole idea,why they don't even semi-sedate you is behond Me....Can I just stay home? Yikes!

YIKES!!!

I'm sitting here looking at My 9 month old son,and a pang of desperate sadness comes over Me...The realization that I'm going to be giving up My fertility has just suddenly dawned on Me,and become real finally...It's sad...even though I know I am doing the right thing and what's neccessary for Me,I feel a wanting...and terrible sadness....I go in for an endometrial biopsy tomorrow,which is what they do apparently as a "pre-screening" for the hysterectomy itself...I was just informed by the secretary on the phone,that I will not have any sedation at all for this,not even so much as a pain pill even,and she recommended that I take something if I have it beforehand. Gee thanks! Had I not asked her about it,I would have never have known,that I get nothing! Whatever,just thinking of the doc sticking pinchers in My who-ha,ain't sounding too fun to Me!!! I feel that pang again the "female calling of childbearing" and I gulp bitterly and feel sad. This is what needs to be done,this is what HAS to be done. Still as a woman,it doesn't make it any easier to give up! Just sayin...

HYSTERECTOMY HORRAY!

I have been a sufferer of severe PMS/PMDD for 25 years,I've dealt with these "raging bitch" hormones,tons of crying spells for no particular reason,sleepless nights,too lethargic during the days to do anything,terrible terrible OCD,excessive bleeding and clotting during "that time of the month" to where I have to wear depends,and two night-time maxi pads AND a "puppy pee pad" all that one time for the bleeding,the worst anxiety I've ever had,low self esteem,and jekyl and hyde personality changes at the drop of a hat just to name a few! I'M DONE! I can take it NO MORE!!! I've decided to go under the knife to rid Myself of My female inards,as they served Me for the 2 beautiful children I have. I am extremely grateful to have them,and have had the privelligde to carry them. To be a Mother is a true joy of it's own. But with the birth of My son lastyear,I had THE WORST PPD,even worse than I had it with My Daughter. My PMDD symptoms worsened and I found out I had a hormonal imbalance along with another bag of issues with My lady parts as it were. My husband was and still is wanting another child,and so did I for the longest time,but I can no longer tolerate My PMDD symptoms,as they are too out of control,and making My family life a living hell! PMDD is a SERIOUS illness that affects MANY women,and more awareness needs to be brought to it's attention!!! And so after the most careful and well thought  out consideration for years,and after I've decided to just enjoy the family that God has given Me,I will no longer be able to have any more children. Which was THE HARDEST decision I've ever had to make in My life,however I want My life to be as enjoyable as it can be instead of just grasping at a couple days a month here and there,that are PMDD and period free,which are few and far between. My hubby is saddened by My descision,because of the no more kids thing,but he really needs to understand things from MY perspective,as it's been ME to suffer the symptoms,and that have then poured over into My family life,that I want to improve to the best of My ability. I no longer want to dread having to go out and have embarrassing outbursts of anger,and tears,and I don't want to have to fear being somewhere outside of the house and bleeding all over Myself and having accidents. I've been far far to miserable for much to long,I just pray to God,that a total hysterectomy will work for Me,and lessen My symptons, and give Me a much better quality of life. And so here I am chronicling My surgery,from pre-op to post-op,and I will be writing any changes in mood etc. and all the gory details. I think it's important to share My story,as I'm not the only one out there suffering the wrath of PMDD,and certainly not the last! I hope you'll join Me in My 3 week countdown till My total hysterectomy,My journey is only beginning! Please pray for Me and wish Me luck! Warmest Regards -The 
Hormonally Challenged 
Hero